Best Phone Blog

The Germans have brought us many a comedy moment in the past, as we all know. But best amongst all their comedy gold mines is their language. Because who else, when looking for a description of songs that stick in your head annoyingly when you hear them played, would call that phenomenon an ohrwurm, or ear-worm. Genius. Which is why, when we heard that the newly announced LG Louvre was coming equipped with a Schneider Kreuznach lens to go with its beastly big 12 megapixels, we thought we’d phone up our German friend to ask what that meant, expecting the answer to be something along the lines (said with a guttural laugh) “a-ha-ha-ha, that means it is a sneaky-cracking lens, meaning it will break all your hearts with how good it is, a-ha-ha-ha.”

However, all Hans did was explain to us that Schneider Kreuznach is the abbreviated name of the company Jos. Schneider Optische Werke GmbH, which is sometimes also simply referred to as Schneider and that they are a manufacturer of industrial and photographic optics… And then we realised he semed to just be reading off Wikipedia so we hung up.

But the point, we realised, was still an important one, because it seems the LG Louvre GC990 is going to be a cameraphone that packs not just an obscene number of megapixels, but also a lens that should at least mostly be able to cope with them and produce some pretty decent pictures. Hurrah for German stereotypes about quality engineering! Hurrah for cameraphones! Hurrah for LG mobile phones! Hurrah for… erm… this LG Louvre review!

Fickle is not a word we would use to describe ourselves. Solid, dependable, intelligent, opinionated and lots of other words too best describe us. Oh, and don’t forget humble and modest.

But fickle is a word that we would use to describe, well, every single other mobile phone blog ever. All of them. Every single last one.

There, glad we got that off our chests.

What’s that? You want reasons? Bah! You’re so demanding. Well, the reason is that for months and months now, people have been bad mouthing Motorola. And, fair enough to be honest. They’re currently running at a massive loss each month, have not released a decent phone for, well, ages (even if this Motorola phones list might suggest otherwise) and, well, that’s enough, really, isn’t it?

But then the Motorola ROKR ZN50 turns up and suddenly everyone thinks that they’ve turned a corner, that a new dawn is on the way, and that any day now they’ll be making money and releasing phone after phone of outstanding quality. Bull dung, we say! No chance! Because even though this phone is better looking that any of theirs for a while, even though it’s a pretty good music player, and even though it does some other great things (that you can read all about in this Motorola ZN50 review), the Motorola ZN50 is not by any stretch of the imagination a company-saver, or even a corner-turner. It’s just alright. And why everyone else out there is getting all hot under the collar about it we’ll never know. But then that’s just us: solid, dependable, intelligent…

Have a little look at the laughable video below for absolute, scientific proof that we are right and everyone else is wrong.

Ah, those giddy days when the HTC Magic was blogged about on these very pages. The date was 15th July 2009, a distant age of innocence and happiness when it seemed the summer would never end, and we were all excited about the possibilities that the various Google-Android-powered functions that phone could offer. How we could use it to find pubs and kebab shops, for example.

Well, now it’s the turn of the T-Mobile myTouch 3G to be blogged about and, well, those distant days of the HTC Magic suddenly seem all the more closer and more distinct as we realise that the myTouch 3G is nothing but the HTC Magic. Literally. It’s exactly the same phone, just with T-Mobile branding on the front and some T-Mobile skinning on the UI.

So, there we have it. You already know all about the T-Mobile myTouch 3G because we already told you all about the HTC Magic. Need some memory refreshing? Try the official site. Or this T-Mobile myTouch 3G review. Or this so-grating-you-want-to-punch-your-screen video below. In the meantime we’re going to close our eyes, drink some Pimms, turn up the heat and imagine it was summer once again. Ah, the 15th July, how we miss you so very much.

We’re not sure about you, but we honestly don’t give two hoots about the Samsung Tocco Lite not packing either 3G or WiFi connectivity. We know that lots of people are going to be all distraught and claim Samsung have made a fatal error, but we think – or at least hope – that most people are going to see past all that dramatic arm waving and see the truth: that 90% of people use the internet on their phones in the most basic way, and therefore need little more than the WAP connectivity that the Samsung Tocco Lite offers. Here’s a quick rundown of the last few things that we did on our phone: 1. checked our gmail while travelling to work on a bus. 2. Looked at some football transfer rumours. 3. Check our gmail. 4. Looked at the weather. 5. Checked our gmail.

Now, we might not be the most suave, sophisticated type. In fact, we’re very far from that model indeed. But then, so are most of you out there. Chances are you’ll do little more exciting than we do with our phone. Because if you’ve got a phone, chances are you’ve at least got a computer you use at work, and more than likely one at home too. So why would you choose to do anything on the 3” screen in your pocket, when for most of the day you’re sat in front of a much larger screen attached to a much more powerful computer.

We do think that Samsung might be overreaching a little in their claims, such as those found on the official page, for example, but then which phone manufacturer has ever shied away from overly hyping their own product? So go for it we say, ignore those doubters, embrace the simplicity (and, best of all, the cheapness) of the Tocco Lite. Need more convincing? Feast your eyes on either this Samsung Tocco Lite review, or this video. Or both, if you’re feeling greedy.

Too, too many blog writers web reviewers and other mobile phone followers out there are guilty of the crime of being too nice. Yep, you read write: being too nice is a crime, a crime we think this great thing called the internet needs to eradicate with all haste. Whether it’s because they want to keep their supply of free phones and invites to brash phone launch bashes, or if it’s just because they lack functioning cojones, we’re not sure. All we’re sure of is that’s it’s wrong, and it should end. And what prompted today’s little rant? The little Sony Ericsson T715 did. It’s not the Sony Ericsson T715’s fault that it is a poor/mediocre phone (read this Sony Ericsson T715 review for a full rundown of all its stats). It is, in fact (if you read between the lines of this outlandishly ridiculous official press release) meant to be mediocre because Sony Ericsson are going to be flogging it mostly in poorer countries to poorer people. It’s fairer to say it’s a cheap phone then, rather than a bad one. And, as our drawers full of Aldi and Lidl receipts testify, we’ve nothing against the cheaper things in life.

But have a little look at some of this tid-bits and try telling us we’re not on to something

“Sure, it’s not the prettiest phone, hell, it’s not even the most fully functional but Sony’s recently announced Ericsson T715 slider is new, and that’s why we care about it.”

So if I did some toilet business, put it in a box and posted it to you, you’d be happy because (if there wasn’t a postal strike, at least) it would only be a day old when you got, you’d be happy?

“Many of you will be pleased to hear that the T715 will happily accept microSD cards.”

No, no I am not pleased to hear that. I am not even mildly satisfying. Or even remotely interesting.

Why, reader, why can’t people just be more honest and less nice? Wouldn’t the world be a better place if we were all a little bit more unpleasant? We think so. Which is why we’re going to tell you to **** off now. Go on, **** off. Watch this video then stick your ****ing **** in your **** and **** right off.

There’s something that falls a little flat with the HTC Hero for us, which is a shame because it has a lot, a hell of a lot, going for it. It’s running Google’s Android OS, of course, meaning that its packed to bursting with all that Google goodness you know and love. It’s also doing so through HTC’s first genuine User Interface for Android, called HTC Sense, which is downright lovely as it goes. It’s got a 3.5mm jack socket (finally, HTC, you listened to us!). A decent camera. GPS. Etc. So on. And so forth. (Have a look at the product overview, or this HTC Hero review for a full specs download.)

But what then, we hear you bleat, is wrong with it? Well, just look at it. Right? Take a look at the video at the bottom of this post. Google some images of the thing. Zoom in. Then zoom out and blink a few times. Then reassure yourself that it’s okay, that you’re alright, it was just a bad dream. But then, it wasn’t. The HTC Hero really is that ugly. Maybe it’s just us, maybe there are plenty out there who want there phone to look like it’s just been punched in the jaw and disfigured. Or like it’s been left next to a roaring fire for a little bit too long and has gone all droopy. Not us though, unfortunately.

HTC claim that the weird bend at the bottom is to make talking on the thing more natural. Okay. But has any out there ever had trouble with straight phones? Do you find yourself straining your mouth to get it closer to the receiving mic to make yourself heard? No, us neither. And come on, are you supposed to expect us to put that thing in our pocket? Then travel around in public places with it there?! We’d get ourselves arrested for indecency in no time. Again.

So, sorry HTC, that bend/curve/lip/whateverthehellitis is not for us. But then who are we to talk.

There are some things in life – washing machines, for example – that you buy, put where they’re supposed to go, use them when you need to, but, for the most part, forget about. Your new washing has probably been bought because the old one broke, or was at least on its last legs. Your new washing machine might have some kind of drying cycle or power saving function or some other features that are, when you think about it (which is rarely), pretty cool. You don’t invite your mates round, stick it on ’super quick spin with extra rinse’ then all ooh and ahh as it rocks into action.

The Nokia 6700 is – and we apologise, Nokia employees, if you’re reading this, but stick with us – just like a washing machine. This is not a phone you choose to show off your mates with. You don’t stick the new Batman film on, tilt it into landscape, then scream LOOK AT THAT, JUST LOOK AT IT, THAT’S DVD QUALITY THAT IS. Even though it does play videos in landscape on its modest screen. The Nokia 6700 classic is a phone you buy, load your numbers onto it, play around for a few minutes just so you know what’s where (yep, just where I thought it would be), then put it – just where it belongs – in your pocket. When you need to make a call, you get it out. And without really realising it, the new noise cancellation makes that call that little bit clearer. When you want to check something on the internet, you use the internet. And Nokia’s awesome browser makes that browsing pretty damn enjoyable. But you think nothing of it, put it back in your pocket. And that’s that. (Have a look at this Nokia 6700 review for more details – or even Nokia’s official page if you want.) Sound boring? Ah, go buy yourself some cheap speed you freak. Sound great? We like you. Check out this video for a little sneak peek. And you can even have a taste of these Nokia 6700 deals

We like phones with names. We don’t like phones with numbers. Would you rather tell someone, for example, that you’ve just become the proud owner of the i7500, or the Magic. No contest, right? Well, if only things were that simple. Because, although the HTC Magic is actually out now, ready and waiting for you to get your grimy hands over its glossy little body, we think you might just be better putting those hands back into trouser-pocket-fiddling mode and sit it out the month or so it’ll take for the i7500 to be released. And why is that? Well, three reasons.

1. The i7500 comes with 8GB of internal memory, while the Magic comes with… wait for it… 512MB. Yep, a stone age, media-hating, you-mocking 512MB. But but but microSD microSD we hear you chantering. Balls to those annoying little thing we chant back.

2. The i7500 comes with a 3.5mm socket for your headphones. But but… erm. Exactly, there’s not even an argument here.

3. The i7500 comes with the fantastic OLED screen that Samsung have been pushing big time recently. And it rocks. And the HTC Magic comes with, well, a nice enough screen, just not as good a screen.

And isn’t that enough? No? Well, the i7500 is also thinner, has a better battery, a better camera and is just plain sexier. Happy now? Oh, look what you’ve done, you’ve made us make HTC cry. Oh well, so it goes.

Check out this HTC Magic Review for a less bullying POV, or have a wander through the flashy HTC Official page instead.

ngs in life look really, really silly. Perms, shellsuits, anything else that Liverpudlians decide is fashion, for example. Or, more recently, you’ve got those bluetooth headphone / ear piece things. The ones with the big blue flashy lights especially. You know the ones, they’re mostly worn by mini-can drivers, low-rent business men in Topman suits, and Uhura from Star Trek. You just want to tap them on the shoulder and say, excuse me mate, hope you don’t mind, but you, well, you look like a bit of an arse in that thing, I think you should reconsider.

So, we think a new “trend” is on its way. Or, more accurately, we think there’s going to be a new breed of people who will be evoking that mixture of pity and disgust as they walk down the street using their shiny new mobile device. And that trend is going to be kick started by the Toshiba TG01. And why is that, we here you asking? Well, it’s because the screen on this thing is huge. Beyond huge – 4.1 inches of massiveness huge. And, is it just us, or are people going to look utterly ridiculous walking down the street or sitting in the pub with these things plastered to the sides of their faces as they chat away about how sales are down in Wakefield, or how there’s no way they’re crossing the river, no way in hell they’re doing a damn pick up in damn Deptford.

Right? Because you know the Toshiba TG01 is going to glow and flash and have all sorts of “funky” stuff going on on the screen when you’re on the phone to someone. And your face is only going to hide so much of it. Isn’t it going to look like someone’s just ripped a small television off a wall and are trying desperately to talk to it?

Maybe not. We really hope not. Anyway, the TG01′’s out now on Orange, it’s a fully-spec’ed-up smartphone, it’s screen is apparently quite big, and it’s running on Windows Mobile. What? You want more? Ok, check out this Toshiba TG01 review. Or, have a looksy at the Official site. More? MORE?! OKay, then have a peek at this video instead.

Sony Ericsson, unlike most manufacturers, like to release (very) very big lists of specs, features and applications for their phones. And so they might, given that they’ve recently been hitting us with some impressive little things. But the spec list for the Sony Ericsson Satio takes some beating, running as it does across several pages. Some random snippets for you:

• 3.5 inch widescreen nHD TFT
• True 16:9, 640 x 360 pixels
• Symbian Foundation operating system – thousands of applications available online

fair enough you think, that sounds great.

• Exchange ActiveSync
• Handwriting recognition
• On-screen QWERTY keyboard

Okay, you say to yourself, still going well

• HD and 3D games
• Facebook application
• TV out

Really, TV-out, okay, and what? More?

• Document editors
• A-GPS
• Google Maps

And enough already, enough! Because what we realised after our eyes started to hurt too, was that the Sony Ericsson Satio is just about as fully packed as phones get these days. It may look like a camera, it may not be the smallest, most pocket-friendly thing you’re ever going to find, but in terms of value for money, this thing is likely to knock most of its rivals out of the water come its release in the near future. For a full, eye-bleeding list of all of those specs, check out this Sony Ericsson Satio review. Or have a less painful look at this Sony Ericsson Satio video instead.