Best Phone Blog

“Globally, we are number one for full-screen touch phones and recognize the importance of social networks in the modern mobile industry. Samsung’s target audiences are at the heart of its business strategy and the design and functionality of Samsung Genio Touch meets the needs of a highly digitally connected and style conscious youth audience – as does the affordable price point.”

And that right there, that last little sentence – almost like a stab in the back – is what makes us chuckle. That quote’s from some suit or other at Samsung that we can’t even be bothered cutting and pasting the name of and it’s why we sometimes have a little sad in our soul come these bleak Monday mornings. Let’s call him Johnny Fat Fingers, because no doubt this suit is so rich he overeats far too much and has to get his wide range of suits let out on a regular basis. Anyway, the point Johnny’s making up there, in relation to the Samsung Genio Touch, is that Samsung can’t get it out of their head that the only people who buy cheap phones are the ’style conscious youth audience.’ First of all, let’s have a little bit of sick in the mouth for that phrase in itself because you just know the only respect Johnny has for this youth is when he’s paying them to dance for him in seedy Korean night spots. But then the next assumption – that all these youth are poor – is just plain insulting. Just because you’re richer than some small nations, Johnny, doesn’t mean that everyone under the age of 25 who buys your phone is some ASBO-wielding, Dole queue scumbag. As does the affordable price point my arse.

Anyway, all of which bile should be set aside when you read this Samsung Genio Touch review, because as it shows the Genio is a decent little number, whatever your age or musical predilection. As does this official press release, if you can stomach more arse-speak from Johnny’s associates.

And if all of that’s a little too angry, just float away in the minute or so it takes you to watch this, frankly bizarre, video.

Nokia has been trying to shake it’s ‘dad at the disco’ image for a while now, mostly just by using the letter X. With its XpressMusic, it’s X6, it’s X3… but all the while we’ve been tutting and thinking: what’s wrong with being thought of as a slightly older, slightly more sensible manufacturer. Surely most people are going to want to buy themselves phones from the most reliable, the most wise people around?

Well, in a very novel move that doesn’t really in any way shake their image as boring and middle-aged, but DOES make us very excited about the quality of the product itself, Nokia have released a full set of details (and a nifty video, as you’ll see below) for the Nokia Booklet 3G. That’s right, you heard us: Nokia are releasing a netbook. A computer. A proper one. Running the newest windows and everything.

And as you’ll see from that video, or from this Nokia Booklet 3G review, or even the official page itself, the Nokia 3G Booklet is shaping up to be a whole lot more than just another netbook to add to the over-stacked bandwagon that is the netbook market. Fair enough the RAM, the processor, the screen and a few other bits and bobs aren’t exactly going to make the Acers and Samsungs of this world come over all aquiver. But but but… what about a 12 hour battery life? What about A-GPS onboard along with Ovi Maps? What about WiFi and 3G… see, impressed, aren’t you?

And then there’s the sheer design of this thing. It looks absolutely stunning. Like, Sony Vaio stunning. Like, (almost) Macbook stunning. Which most definitely sets it a long way apart from most of the tat that tries to pass itself off as netbooks these days.

We do have one possibly slightly larger than minor concern though. The price is yet to be confirmed and we have this sneaking suspicion that Nokia might just go and price themselves out of the market before they’ve even start. But then, we are a cynical bunch of grumps. Here’s hoping that’s not the case. Fingers crossed for that soon-but-unconfirmed release date…

Maemo.

No, that wasn’t a greeting from a retarded cat. Or the sound a deaf cow makes. It is, unfortunately, the name of the operating system for the otherwise fantastic N900.

What is it with Nokia and names? First, you have all those cursed four digit phones, meaning you can never remember whether you have the 6590, the 6950 or the 6095. Then, even worse, there’s the supposedly ground breaking, supposedly the-future-of-all-things-Nokia file-sharing, media-editing, global-communicating, content-hosting, app-suppling, map-making entity that they truly want to be the bestest thing ever, but that they then go and call Ovi. Ovi. Like some street slang for ovaries. Yeah, bruv mate, I like totally got messy up in Shazza’s Ovi last night, yeah bruv, let’s hope the slag’s on the pill, innit. Ovi. For the love of…

Then you have an operating system for what are supposed to be your absolute high-end, top of the range, all-singing/-dancing/-karaokeing/-gymnasticating handsets. And you call it? You call it?… You just don’t know. So, being Finnish, you go throw a special cat at that cow in the farm down the road that’s always looking at you funny, record the noise and decide that that, that right there, yes, Maemo, that will be the name of your operating system. You god damn…

Anyway, we feel as though we might be trangressing slightly, that you might be losing the focus here. Pay attention, dear reader, pay attention. Because, despite its arse-named operating system, the Nokia N900 is actually a cracking phone. Well, actually, it’s one of the best phone’s we’ve ever, ever seen. That simple enough for you? No? Then watch the pretty moving pictures thing below. Or trying and read the big words in this Nokia N900 review. Or ask a friend who’s not got the IQ of a maimed cow to translate these official stats for your tender little brain. Then go buy this phone.

Another day, another new Nokia that’s not really new, not really offering anything exciting. Stumble forward, the Nokia 5230.

We should be clear straight away, before all you Nokia-heads start agrumbling, that there is little wrong with the 5320 2. Almost nothing in fact, especially when you consider how darn cheap the thing is. It’s got a great 3.2” touchscreen that’s responsive and has lovely tactile feedback. A great music player with up to 33 hours playback. Good image sharing and internet connectivity. Nice design with some fun swappable covers as well…

But the problem is that there’s very little to distinguish the Nokia 5230 from, say, the 5800, or the 5530. And this is just what Nokia seem to be doing an awful lot of at the moment: re-hashing already successful models rather than blazing trails with new designs. And this, we’d be confident enough to say, is why they’ve been struggling in their last couple of financial reports. There’s only so long that your very loyal fan base is going to put up with little innovation, lots of renovation.

Again, the 5230 is not bad – as this Nokia 5230 review or even the official page amply show. It’s just that… well… it’s not much of anything that you haven’t heard about before.

Buck up, Nokia my son, buck up.

Even their videos are starting to make us yawn, as you’ll experience yourself by clicking below. Like, seriously: why would anyone ever, ever make a video like that to ’show off’ their product. Don’t even dare look at 36 seconds, for example, when the video actually makes the phone look just plain faulty…

Sort it aaawwwtttt!

Yes it is. No it’s not. Yes, it is. No, it is not. Yes! It is! No. It is not. Is. Not. Is. Not. Is is is….

etc and so on and so forth. So go most of our conversations with younger folk. Cousins, nephews, friends’ sprogs – anyone with a snotty nose, an inability to survive for themselves and the great joy of still being able to carry round their lunch in a lunchbox – we just always seem to find ourselves getting into arguments with them. And, somehow – through some weird kind of child logic that we haven’t yet learnt to overcome – they always win. No matter how many times you tell them that the Tellytubbies aren’t real, or that Santa Claus is a myth designed to brainwash them into bugging their parents to buy consumer products, they won’t have any of it. Sent on our way, more often than not, with is is is is is is is, ringing in our ears.

And, more and more, we find that mobile phone manufacturers are like nothing but big (bloated, multi-national) children. Because no matter what the truth might be, no matter what anyone with anything above a six year old’s logic could see in a second, you’ll quite often find a mobile phone manufacturer singing and shouting about something that is the exact opposite in their press releases, adverts and promotional videos.

The Sony Ericsson Jalou, for example, is an ugly phone. Look at it. If that phone were a child in fact, it would most likely spend the whole of its adult life in deep therapy, so painful and persistent would the bullying be. Sony Ericsson would have you believe that this is a phone worthy of the world of high fashion. That it’s the best looking phone since sliced, erm, diamonds. That it’s the must-have accessory for all you glamorous girls out there. The Sony Ericsson Jalou is nothing but a terrible attempt to be any of those thing though.

Fair enough, as this Sony Ericsson Jalou review shows, it’s not a bad phone in itself. And some people might actually be tempted by its “distinctive” looks. (‘Hey guys, look at this, look at how god damn ugly my phone is – my phone so ugly it looked about the window and got arrested for mooning…’). But can’t Sony Ericsson just admit that. Well, judging by the video below, they can’t. Not by a long way. Because it is a pretty phone. It is it is it is it is it is. Is is is is is….

We wish we could bring you news of all that’s good and great and cheap and affordable-for-all-it-offers and robust and interchangeable and just plain kind of neat about the 3 Mobile INQ Chat 3G. We can’t, however, as more pressing matters have, well, pressed themselves up into our attention holes. Namely, the young fellow in the video below.

Because new and fresh as all the news about the INQ Chat 3G is, there aren’t really any videos out there in the worldly web for us to bring you. Or so we thought, until we found this diamond of a gem of a crystal of an example of exactly, precisely, and utterly what YouTube was made for. Yep, you guessed it, this guy makes a total **** out of himself. But, to be fair, does so in a way that’s so endearing / pitiable [delete depending on how cruel you are] that you just can’t help but love him. And instantly forward it on to at least twenty colleagues, friends, family members, people you used to date, etc. and so on and so forth.

What’s that? You don’t understand what all the fuss is about. Ah, then you haven’t been patient.

Wait for it… wait some more… have a flick through this INQ Chat review… wait some more… read this… bam! There it is: yep, now you understand: rapping. This kid is rapping. About mobile phones. In his bedroom. For the sake of thousands of viewers. What more can we say? Mum, dad, you gotta be real proud. INQ: you gotta be real happy.

In fact, we think INQ should send him not only the Chat 3G, but the Mini as well, so important is this guy going to be for all your future sales.

In this world in which stupidity, celebrity, plastic body parts, ignorance and general dissolution are championed, it’s nice to come across something that’s bucking the trend. And no, we’re not talking about some kind of Mormon cult or other freaky god botherers. We’re talking about a phone. The INQ Mini 3G, in fact.

And while at first you might struggle to see the link, we think it’s there for all to see. Proof of which came at the recent 2009 Global Mobile Awards. An award ceremony populated by bloated, sweating executives all hoping that their 12 megapixel / Wi-Fi sporting / AMOLED-screened / obscenely expensive handset would walk away with the coveted Best Mobile Handset award, guess who won? The budget, almost unheard of INQ 1. The first phone, in fact, ever produced by this little company.

So, has the fame gone to their head? Is the INQ Mini 3G some kind of all-singing, all-dancing celebrity of a phone? Far from it. In fact, as you’ll see by giving this INQ 3G Mini review just a brief glance, or by double-taking when you look at how ridiculously cheap these INQ Mini 3G deals are, just the opposite. This is a phone that does nothing at all extraordinary. But in (not) doing so, manages to be a truly fantastic little phone. It’s main selling point is the integrated systems designed to link up to all the social networking and email programs out there, and a new function that lets you synch directly to iTunes.

And fair enough this might not all be for you. But we think that there’s plenty of you out there that this will appeal to. And plenty who might otherwise have been conned into spending more than they need on their next handset. But trust us, there’s no need to spend more than you need. Who knows, the Chat 3G might be exactly what you need, and nothing more.

In a far, far less glamorous version of what Clark Kent achieves when he steps into a phone box, the Nokia 5800 has some out of some kind of dressing room and announced that it is no longer the cool, bass-thumping, sexy music phone that it once was. Oh no! It is now the sensible, efficient, traffic-delay-warning Nokia 5800 Navigation edition. Kneel before its efficacy! Quake at the power of its 5-day weather forecasting. Behold the horror that is its ability to synch with your PC and Mac to share pre-plotted routes. Quiver at the thought of its in-box car charger. Slightly wet yourself at the… well, you get the idea.

Never before, in fact, have we seen a phone undergo what can only be described as a detransformation. Or a devolution, perhaps. Because what once was cool is now not, and what once was for da kids is now most definitely for the parents of said adolescents. So, the Nokia 5800 Navigator edition, if you spit at people from buses, stick fingers in the your friends orifices and generally make the world a more greasy, spotty place, might not be for you. But that’s not to say it’s not going to make a large number of people’s lives better.

Whether those people actually read blogs is another matter. Chances are if they do they wouldn’t actually have the technical skills required to, say, click through to this Nokjia 5800 navigation review to find out more. Or to follow this link to the official page. But anyway, once they do somehow manage to find their way to purchasing the all-new-ish 5800, they will definitely be able to find there way to your Aunt Beryl’s place in the Cotswolds far more efficiently than they have done before.

The future, people, is here. Cower before its… oh, right, yeah, we did that bit…

Maths is a simple game, and one we enjoy.

Try this equation on for size:

Stupidly overweight, oversized phone + lots of really good features = two million sales in three months

Not the most common of outcomes, you’d have to say, but that’s exactly what happened with the original N97. Now, Nokia’s resident mathematicians must have done some very technical alogorthims to realise that if they substituted out that first bit of the equation, they might be able to get themselves some even better results. And this is exactly what’s happened with the Nokia N97 Mini. For this little beauty is based on the following equation:

Slimmed down, streamlined and downright fits-in-your-hand beauty phone + lots of really good features = even more million of sales in even less time

Now, while that outcome of the equation is, as yet, unproven, we have no doubt that maths will prevail and the outcome will be confirmed.

It’s a complicated thing, this mobile phone manufacturing, but we’re glad we have the likes of Nokia at least stretching their huge brains to bring us the likes of the mini Nokia N97. (Have a look at these Nokia N97 Mini deals, or at this Nokia N97 mini review if you want less maths, more stats.)

Really, you have to marvel at it… the leap it took… to think that if only you take something that makes you feel a little ill and sore to hold and make it into something you want to hold, you’re profits will increase… really marvellous thinking

We like nothing more than a few lazy stereotypes here (lazy, fat, bearded, sweaty bloggers that we are), so that’s just what we’re going to throw your way today.

Fat lazy stereotype # 1 – Everyone who uses pay-as-you-go phones is poor, young and annoying. Like to sit at the back of the bus, somehow simultaneously chewing gum and making out with equally spotty friends while simultaneously texting while simultaneously shouting abuse at someone from your school out of the bus window? Then clearly you are a pay-as-you-goer.

Overweight bearded stereotype # 2 – Everyone who uses a Blackberry is a despicable, soulless, work hungry capitalist pig. Wear a suit to work every day? Have high blood pressure? Cheat on your wife with a secretary or two? Played your part in bringing the country and the world to its knees by playing with our money? Then you are one of those ‘This message was sent via a Blackberry device’ chumps who are destroying the world around us.

Admit it: you agree.

But now, thanks to the Blackberry Curve 8520, these two stereotypes are going to be brought crashing together in some kind of weird implosion that’s either going to be utterly terrible, or utterly good. Because the Blackberry Curve 8520 is the first Blackberry that’s going to be in anyway affordable for those of you who like to pay as you go about your greasy-faced business.

See this Blackberry 8520 review, or have a look at these Blackberry 8520 deals for more reasons as to exactly why this is going to happen. But trust us: something strange is about to happen.